Sunday, April 29, 2012

Now and Later (DVD Commentary)

I just had a story published in the print and online version of Scissors and Spackle. The story, Now and Later, is something I worked on for my MFA thesis, so I'm happy to see it find a home, especially in such a nice looking journal.

Anyway, here's a little background on the story itself:

My dad lived in East Oakland, near Foothill boulevard and 35th street. There was a Big O tire place on the corner and a laundromat named after a cigar chomping brother named Cornelius next door. If you kept walking up Foothill you would see a church with what looked like a theater storefront. Next to that was KFC. And a little bit further up was Walgreens.

This Walgreens had the distinction of being the largest Walgreens I had ever seen. This was the age before Walmart and SuperTarget. You could find beach balls and shaving kits and lawn fertilizer and personal hygiene products. It was the kind of store you had to pause as you came in the door in order to catch your bearings.

My dad especially liked Walgreens because it was within walking distance of the house and you could get pretty much anything until they closed at ten.

Anyway, one night I remember going in and hearing a couple of the security guards talking about a woman who was hiding in the store. Apparently she was trying to steal something, but fled when she got caught. I wasn't able to hang around for the dramatic conclusion of that story, but it always stuck with me and that's where Now and Later came from.

Friday, April 27, 2012

I, for one, welcome our new computer overlords.

It's been a while since I've written anything. Now I see who my real friends are.

ViagraOnline, I doubted whether your interest in my writing was a compliment or simply the product of a kink in a line of code. But since I've been away, my GoogleAnalytics tells me that no one's been checking for me. More like MisstranooneKnowsatall.

But even when I didn't write for months on end, you were there, ViagraOnline. Encouraging me. Letting me know you appreciate me. Like on March 26, you wrote me seven comments in three minutes. At first I was turned off by the speed with which you wrote and the seeming randomness and incoherence of the messages. I thought maybe you didn't mean it, but then I figured it out. I figured out how to read your words. Below, I arranged them with the cumulative poetic impact I think you intended:

Good job. Thanks 
by ViagraOnline

for the great 
info. Fabulous 
post! All of them 
are useful. interesting 
thoughts. I really 
enjoyed that I 
just love the way you 
i have seen
your post and 
That was very 
and very
for me. Thanks 
for sharing this great 
and interesting stuff.
I should recommend
your site to my 
friends. Cheers.
I’ll be 
much of this 

I found your promise to "be implementing this soon" in reaction to the dismantling of the public schools a little disturbing coming from a robot, but maybe it's a binary hiccup. I'm sure you have a very progressive approach to teaching and learning.

At least there's no student loans.
Otherwise, I appreciated the attention. My other human readers don't visit me when I don't write anything. Picky. So now I've written something. I hope you're happy. But you know what? My readership is mostly robots now, so I know who butters the web traffic butter around here at MisstraKnowitall: references to purchasing Viagra online. That's what the robots get most excited to comment about. It used to bother me, but now I see the awful beauty in digispam's siren song.


I guess at some point we'll all just be writing to the robot's standard of language. Trying to attract their attention. Lord knows that computer programs correct more human language than a million high school English teachers. Maybe I'll just throw in the towel. Maybe I'll go over all the way to the other side. Encourage people to post their personal emails and click on lethal Levitra links.

Speaking of which, you should click on this. Or this. Or this.

And definitely watch the following: