The Best and the Brightest

Tiger offered a humble apology to everybody: his mama, his wife, his kids, his corporate sponsors (!), his non-profit foundation, his fans. But what about the real victims in all of this? Light skinned brothers

For those of you new to the program, I have been documenting the comeback of light skinned brothers for some time now. Back in 1997, Pierre prophetically predicted our re-ascension in "How To Be A Player," and the 2000s have been heady times for those of us who ace our paper bag tests. We were down for so long during the "Wesley era," where a "darker the berry" ethos made tan skin on a brother less popular than a ham sandwich at a Saviours' Day convention.

NeObama, Cory Booker, Harold Ford...heck, even Drake. Quietly, we've been turning back the clock to the DeBarge era. And it's all because of Tiger. His ability to hit a little white ball across a golf course, better than anyone in history, opened the door for us. We smiled as everyone talked about how he advanced the plight of Black people, but WE knew who was really going to benefit from it. And indeed we have.

Who you calling pretty pretty princess?

But lately, there's been a little trouble. NeO is less popular than ever. Cory's got trouble. Harold Ford is, well, Harold Ford. Drake got played to the left by Sade. And then there's Tiger.

Over the years he has been a steady producer for the cause. He showed how a light skinned brother could leverage double and triple consciousness into a formula for success and make billions. Instead of light skin weakness just being a foil for dark skin strength (think Barkley vs. Jordan), he was kicking ass and staring folks down with a bright boy swagger.

Ahhh...that's a familiar fit.

There's been the occasional hiccup, of course. We grimaced when we heard about the whole Cablinasian thing. It reeked of Tragic Mulatto and sounded dumb enough that even White people felt comfortable making jokes about it.

Cablinasian Bruce Leroy

There is also a stereotype that light skinned brothers have a problem with Black women, so we would have preferred that he find a wife that was a little less...well...Nordic. But of course we'll be the last ones to talk down on interracial marriage. We secretly realize that no matter who we're with, our marriages are all going to be "interracial."

But the last three months have been trying times for our people. Cheating on his wife was bad enough, but with cocktail waitresses, porn stars and strippers? You are one of the most powerful men on the planet, and that's the best you could come up with? Lord knows that Black folks are willing to forgive the infidelities and sexual deviance of their male public figures [see: Michael (any of them), R. Kelly, MLK (sorry, true), Jessie, etc.] but it gets a whole lot more complicated when his taste in women is so, forgive me, White and skanky.

Now every time a light skinned brother tries to talk to a Black woman, a Tiger resemblance is a liability.

You gotsta step you're game up, player!

But we haven't given up hope on you, Tiger. You've got a couple of things going for you still. No matter how much your competition runs their mouth about you "disrespecting the game," they are all still trembling. You're lucky enough to be playing in a sport where a player's "prime" can last for two decades, so when you come back and hit that ball long enough, this thing will blow over. Golf is still a White man's game and that's who pays your bills. He doesn't really care about the infidelity thing. The White woman thing is an irritant, but the rule is that you're just not supposed to flaunt it like that.

Word.

So, it's okay that you didn't apologize, Tiger. We'll be alright, just make sure to put on a couple more green jackets. Give it some time and NeO will be able to return your calls again (Michelle still checks the Blackberry).

And our revolution will continue. Besides, you know the gods are with us when Vin Diesel is still getting work.

The Way Mulattas Make Me Feel

After reading all of these good reviews about the new Michael Jackson movie, I think I'm going to jump over the cliff like the rest of the lemmings and go see it. I wrote a post about MJ's iconic Black or White video a couple months back and that lead one of my old IR compadres Hannah Notess to ask me to write something for the journal she's at, The Other Journal.

I always tripped off the video for Michael's "The Way You Make Me Feel" because it's such a sweet song, but such a strange video (which is often the case with Mike). Basically, it's off the BAD album and it's Michael's version of an NWA video. (As a matter of fact, I think the video's female lead went on to even greater success in Dr. Dre's "Ain't Nothing But A G-Thang" where she got 40ozs of St. Ides dumped on her head.) Anyway, the piece is called The Way Mulattas Make Me Feel. You can check it out here.

Michael Steele versus Keyboard Cat

Michael Steel complains that White liberals did not properly "vet" our current President because he is a Black man. Interesting argument coming from a man whose main job qualification is that he allows the Rethugs to cluck their tongues at the unprofessionalism of their "Negro help," without feeling guilty.

How dare you reveal the secret of the Brotherhood, Michael Steel: It is too easy for a Black man to get a job.

Word to Jackie Robinson!


What do you think Keyboard Cat?





The true comedy of Michael Steele's statement:
There's not a brother in the world less qualified than the president we just had. Even Michael Vick would have known there wasn't weapons of mass destruction.

Michael Steele for President

Michael Steele is chairman of the Republican National Convention, but I have a funny feeling. Part of me wants to be happy for a brother doing good, but the rest of me wants to barf. I always had a (distant) feeling that their would be a Black president (never this early of course), but I thought the person would probably be somebody like Michael Steele. That didn't give me a good feeling.

I'm hoping that he will be able Republicans to try to not step so hard when they walk over the backs of the poor and colored. I'm not ready to assess the size of my hope, I just know that I have some hope.

But.

I have the feeling that his ascension is more placement than a revolution.

And that has me thinking. The language and possibility of politics has fundamentally changed over the last two or so years. The Republicans would have never picked Sarah Palin if it wasn't for Hillary Clinton. By the end of the general election, they were having Sarah Palin shout out Hillary like that was her dead homey or something. Now the Republican candidate proudly declares herself a feminist. Whatever it takes.

So, my thesis: Michael Steele and Sarah Palin are the bizarro Obama and Clinton.

Think about it. Obama and Clinton had to face doubts at every turn and had to scratch and fight for every inch they got. No one gave them a chane. But they got so good at it that they made it look easy. They are serious people who are among the greatest minds of their generation (especially Barack, sorry!). They were the first female and Black male candidates with a legitimate shot of winning the presidency. And they ran in the same year. Sometimes I think we forget how dope that was. I feel blessed to have witnessed it, even in its more painful moments.

And, on the other hand you have two candidtes who are somewhat (ahem) less distinguished.

***Excuse the digression, but: If Sarah Palin was smart, she would get some work boots and a pick axe and go save someone from somewhere. She needs to not be on the news whining about an election that people are ready to forget about anyway. The wrinkles caused by her overexposure are getting a little scary to look at. Sniff. You smell that? It reminds me of something. Oh, yeah, desperation.***

Michael Steele, seems like an empty suit. A product placement. Less profound than Steadman Graham. And he works for them. He represents the interests of the White overclass. For me that goes to the heart of his lack of credibility. But we'll see.

The Black Snob has an excellent profile of him in a column from the 2008 election that is a little more balanced. Definitely worth reading.

So when I thought this country would finally make the decision to elect a Black man for president, I figured it would have to be someone I didn't respect. Thank God I was wrong.

Chipotle's Secret Ingredient

Misstra Knowitall enjoy Chipotle as much as the next man, but occasionally he sees things and it gives him pause. Misstra Knowitall enjoys the steak burrito with the mild and corn salsa and cheese and sour cream and occasionally lettuce and guacamole. He has a special place in his heart for that particular meal.
However, he sees things and he wonders. For instance, Misstra Knowitall has been in Chipotles all across the land. From the Midwest, to the East coast, the West coast, and every where in between. Like all voracious consumers of culture, Misstra Knowitall thinks he's an expert on the product he consumes. And his expertise has led him to the following conclusion. The restaurant has been successful because it took a simple, well-thought business model and put it into practice. And although Chipotle touts its ingredients, its most important is its least recognized:


Mexicans.

Stay with me now. Have you ever noticed that you could be in a Chipotle in any place in the world and you're going to see the same thing: the bulletproof sneeze guard, fake-ass Aztec designs, and at least three Mexicans working behind the counter. You could be in Pennsylvania or California or Baltimore or Indiana or Minneapolis or Chicago and it was all the same: One guy is chopping up beef, another's pouring a vat of guacamole, and there's a woman up front, taking orders. And for every three Mexicans you see, there has to be at least one clean-cut manager (a White man, for those that might have gotten it twisted).

It's like every store has a quota.

Do you have to prove you can hire a certain number of brown-skinned people before you can open a Chipotle? Do those brown-skinned people get the same kinds of opportunities for management training as everyone else?

(Also, why is it that I hardly ever see any Black folks being hired at Chipotle?)

I just think it seems kind of unfair that I hardly ever see Latinos in those upper positions within the restaurant. Without that kind of opportunity, the setup smacks of neo-burrito-colonialism.

I just wonder what kind of business model they're working with and what type of experience they are trying to sell the people that enter their store. Sounds like the work of Sir NoseD'Void Offunk, if you ask me.

**Update: It looks like Chipotle may not be treating it's farm workers right either. On a personal note, I hope they get this straightened out because I would hate to have to give up my beloved steak burrito.