For those of you new to the program, I have been documenting the comeback of light skinned brothers for some time now. Back in 1997, Pierre prophetically predicted our re-ascension in "How To Be A Player," and the 2000s have been heady times for those of us who ace our paper bag tests. We were down for so long during the "Wesley era," where a "darker the berry" ethos made tan skin on a brother less popular than a ham sandwich at a Saviours' Day convention.
NeObama, Cory Booker, Harold Ford...heck, even Drake. Quietly, we've been turning back the clock to the DeBarge era. And it's all because of Tiger. His ability to hit a little white ball across a golf course, better than anyone in history, opened the door for us. We smiled as everyone talked about how he advanced the plight of Black people, but WE knew who was really going to benefit from it. And indeed we have.
Who you calling pretty pretty princess?
But lately, there's been a little trouble. NeO is less popular than ever. Cory's got trouble. Harold Ford is, well, Harold Ford. Drake got played to the left by Sade. And then there's Tiger.
Over the years he has been a steady producer for the cause. He showed how a light skinned brother could leverage double and triple consciousness into a formula for success and make billions. Instead of light skin weakness just being a foil for dark skin strength (think Barkley vs. Jordan), he was kicking ass and staring folks down with a bright boy swagger.
Ahhh...that's a familiar fit.
There's been the occasional hiccup, of course. We grimaced when we heard about the whole Cablinasian thing. It reeked of Tragic Mulatto and sounded dumb enough that even White people felt comfortable making jokes about it.
There is also a stereotype that light skinned brothers have a problem with Black women, so we would have preferred that he find a wife that was a little less...well...Nordic. But of course we'll be the last ones to talk down on interracial marriage. We secretly realize that no matter who we're with, our marriages are all going to be "interracial."
But the last three months have been trying times for our people. Cheating on his wife was bad enough, but with cocktail waitresses, porn stars and strippers? You are one of the most powerful men on the planet, and that's the best you could come up with? Lord knows that Black folks are willing to forgive the infidelities and sexual deviance of their male public figures [see: Michael (any of them), R. Kelly, MLK (sorry, true), Jessie, etc.] but it gets a whole lot more complicated when his taste in women is so, forgive me, White and skanky.
Now every time a light skinned brother tries to talk to a Black woman, a Tiger resemblance is a liability.
You gotsta step you're game up, player!
But we haven't given up hope on you, Tiger. You've got a couple of things going for you still. No matter how much your competition runs their mouth about you "disrespecting the game," they are all still trembling. You're lucky enough to be playing in a sport where a player's "prime" can last for two decades, so when you come back and hit that ball long enough, this thing will blow over. Golf is still a White man's game and that's who pays your bills. He doesn't really care about the infidelity thing. The White woman thing is an irritant, but the rule is that you're just not supposed to flaunt it like that.
So, it's okay that you didn't apologize, Tiger. We'll be alright, just make sure to put on a couple more green jackets. Give it some time and NeO will be able to return your calls again (Michelle still checks the Blackberry).
And our revolution will continue. Besides, you know the gods are with us when Vin Diesel is still getting work.