Top Five Black Men That Need Pardons

Shake em up, shake em up, shake em up, shake em...

The Presidential pardon is one of the sweetest deals in all of politics. You do your dirt for 4 or 8 years, and when you get caught, you get somebody else to take the blame. With President Bush getting ready to leave office, I'm sure he's making his list and checking it twice. *Ahem*

And now that Barack Obama's victory is all but certain (I mean, what could really go wrong, right? Just kidding, God. Don't play!), we need to start planning our next step. Funk health care, education, and the economy, there's some brothers that we need to get out of prison.

5. Remy Ma--Okay, she's not a brother, but Reminisce Mackie needs to be on this list. Now, she did shoot a friend after having a few drinks, but at least she didn't make her victim issue a public apology for getting in the way of her bullets like Dick Cheney did.

Stay strong, Papoose!

4. Michael Vick--Speaking of Presidents of Vice, let me get this straight: It's okay to assassinate a wolf from a helicopter and rip open a freshly-killed moose with a hunting knife, but dog fighting is unspeakable. Hmmm, that don't sound right. Please let this brother out so he can go back to doing what he does best: selling shoes and throwing interceptions.

Ron Mexico never meant no harm

3. Shyne (AKA Jamal Barrow)--Remember this brother? Sounded like Biggie, acted like Tupac? Shot up the club and tore asunder the Camelot that was J-Lo and Diddy? Hasn't he suffered enough? Haven't we all suffered enough?

Note to self: Next time, take name tag off gun before busting shots

2. Kwame Kilpatrick--So what if he may have improperly used city resources to cover up an illicit affair and then lied about it under oath. Have you heard? He's the HIP HOP MAYOR! Just imagine the type of expertise he could bring to an Obama administration. I can see it now: Secretary of Stuntin.

Don't you understand? I'm the Hip Hop Mayor!

1. Clarence Thomas--Is there a presidential pardon for mental incarceration? Just wondering.

Too easy

NOTE--OJ would have made this list, but his recent imprisonment is part of the deal that Obama made with the Illuminati at their secret meeting in Davos, Switzerland: Barack can be president, but Black people can't say nothing when the Juice gets squeezed. Alas.

Hello, I'm OJ Simpson.